Blair and the Cats

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I'm sitting in the front room, which is my office, listening to Blair talk to the cats at the back of the house. He's cleaning the litterbox and apparently both cats are sitting there, watching him. He's talking in a high-pitched voice, speaking for the cats:

"Hey fella, hurry it up. I can't hold it much longer."

"Don't be stingy with that litter--I feel a big stinky coming on." 

He cracks me up. 

Any Ideas For a Funny Cat Index?

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My editor from Ten Speed Press wrote me to say that she thought my upcoming cat humor book would benefit from having an index. Only, God love her, it's not a real index. It's a humor index, in line with the parody of the rest of the book. So index references may read:

Butt Licking, social.... 48

Butt Licking, hobby... 22

Kibbles - see NOM-NOM-NOM... 18

I love that this is how I spend my day. I spent two hours at Panera (my satellite office for those new to the blog) last week, sipping coffee and brainstorming ideas like, "Toenails as grappling hooks." Who has a better job than me? NO ONE. 

Of course, brainstorming is the fun part. Actually making something of the four pages of scribbled notes is something else. I'd say about 1 in every 8 ideas I come up with is worth keeping. The others are cliche, nonsensical, or just lame. I have no idea how long this index needs to be but I know I've still got hours and hours of work ahead of me. My goal is to have a solid, almost final draft complete before the end of the year. 

Over the holidays some of you may snuggle with loved ones, others may sip eggnog and roast chestnuts, and still others may curl up in front of the TV to watch Christmas specials. As for me, I'll be writing index jokes about dust bunnies, grasshoppers, and the evil moving red dot of light. 

HAPPY HOLIDAYS. 

♫ Bow-Chicka-Bow-Wow... ♫

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By contract, I am required to supply my publisher with a photo for the back-of-the-book author shot. No problem. I e-mail my editor the photo I had professionally taken a few years ago and that I will probably still be using when I'm 90. It's lovely, she says, but given that this is a cat book, might I have some pictures of myself with my cats we could use?

I do not. Not only do our cats not cooperate in the picture-taken process, they actively sabotage it. Plus...

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