Magic Beans and Long Lashes

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Two minutes ago. Blair and I are in the master bathroom, getting ready for bed. Blair's brushing his teeth and I'm using an exceptionally small brush to apply a clear liquid to my top and bottom lash lines. 

"What are you doing?" asked Blair, around a mouthful of toothpaste. 

"Growing my eyelashes," I answered. I was rewarded with a doubtful stare. 

"Seriously," I said. "It's a liquid that makes your eyelashes grow."

Blair spit and rinsed. "You have GOT to be kidding. How do you fall for this stuff?" he asked.

"Stephanie told me about it," I said. "She has beautiful lashes." 

"Stephanie, huh?" 

"Yes." 

Blair nodded thoughtfully. "I see. Sooo.... did she give you any magic booby powder too?"

Oh my God, I died laughing. That was just cold. 

Cheers,

Dena

Falling Behind

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While I'm loving the new job, I admit I'm still struggling with fitting everything I want to accomplish into any given day, week or month. I'm behind on e-mails, laundry, freelance work, reading, blogging, Twitter, and meal planning. The cats barely recognize me because they never see me and if anyone were to come over and give my house the white-glove test, I would die a thousand deaths of embarrassment. My mom recently asked, "How hard is it to clean the new house?" My reply: "I wouldn't know." 

I don't know why I'm startled to find that not having an extra six hours a day to run errands, work out, blog, write or nap would set me behind, but I am. Getting off work at 2:30 sounds ideal, and it is, but I'm not getting anywhere near the amount of things done that I thought I would with the time that's left to me. 

"It's about prioritizing," says Blair. 

 

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Smug Marrieds: The Devoted Wife

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I am a devoted wife. I know this because Chicken Soup For the Soul: Devotional Stories for Wives just accepted one of my stories for inclusion in their book. If only acceptance came with a little "devoted wife" badge I could pull out and show people. 

Remember this blog post?


This is the one where Blair referred to me as a Skeksis from The Dark Crystal. The story I submitted is a slightly modified version. Finally, our love of muppets, Jim Henson and lack of inhibition around referring to each other as beaked, scaly creatures is paying off. 

Once the book comes out, I'm sure I'll be signing all my book copies, Dena - The Devoted Wife.

Cheers.

Back to Blogging: Spa Days

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I've been MIA for awhile, with the new house and job keeping me busy. But in truth, I was having trouble coming back to the blog because I'd been gone for so long. Where to start? How to catch everyone up on all the new changes? 

Then today a moment occurred that was so Dena blog-perfect, I knew I'd found my re-entry. Here goes:

I went to a spa today. The kind with soft lighting, herbal tea and O magazine in the waiting room and everyone speaks in hushed tones. I like this spa, but I don't care for the front desk help. Invariably, it's some 25-year old with shellacked hair dressed in all-black size 2 clothing, wearing plum lipstick and looking Botoxed beyond her years. 

There's never a smile (or maybe the Botox prevents it) and there's an almost simmering hostility that shines through, as if how dare I intrude on her day? 

I want more then anything to look at this girl and say, "Honey, you work the reception desk at the place I come to get my pubic hair waxed. Get over yourself."

Oh yeah... I'm back. 

Cheers,

Dena