Things I've Learned Since Living Alone

It's been almost 4 months in my little rented condo and I've come to a few realizations about myself and how I approach life. Here they are:

• I'm capable of killing spiders (big ones!) on my own. Who knew?
• I clean up more after myself when it's just me.
• Except for the mail bin which will never, ever be under control.
• I enjoy coming home to an empty house. Well, almost. There is usually a fat cat screeching at me for food.
• I have very little interest in watching TV except on Tuesday nights. Who's That Girl and The Mindy Project make me happy. 
• I regret all the years of looking down on people who refused to cook just for themselves. Now that I'm alone, truth be told, I'd happily eat cereal every night if grains were allowed in my diet.
• I am horrible at realizing I'm about to run out of things and preparing accordingly. Last week saw me make an emergency lunchtime run for dental floss, cat food, aluminum foil, windex and tampons. 
• Given the choice between writing and reading, I've been veering toward reading. However, the allure of writing is once again beckoning. Thank God. 
• I am capable of eating an entire 90% dark chocolate bar on my own in one sitting. Okay, fine. Two 90% dark chocolate bars in one sitting. 
• It took me 3 months before I could balance my checkbook. WTF??
• While I'm not extravagent, I pay absolutlely no attention to money, coming in or going out. 
• My hand towel holder fell out of the wall and I've decided I'd rather live with it versus going through the process of trying to fix the gaping hold myself. You call it laziness. I call it "living in the now." 

What? You were expecting life-altering realizations? It's only been 4 months, people. Give me time. 

That realizing I'd have to kill spiders lesson really took it out of me. 

Cheers,

Dena

Can I Borrow A Cup Of Paper Clips?

Blair and I separated in February, each of us moving into our respective apartments. (He has the newer, nicer unit but I have a patio and snagged the Saber grill.) Since moving, I find myself having flashbacks to my first apartment after college when I constantly found myself running up against those small everyday items you expect to find around the house that just aren't there. 

It has come to my attention that toilet paper, paper towels, light bulbs, batteries, rubber bands, post-it-notes, and hand soap don't just magically appear. I realized just two days ago that I don't own a fly swatter when a wasp got in the house and I was reduced to flinging trail running shoes at it as I ran screaming from the room every time I missed. 

Dear Blair: Thank you for filling our home with replacement paper products for the past twenty years. I'm sorry I didn't notice sooner. Also, if you have a free moment, there is a wasp trapped in my bedroom that could use your attention. I'm tired of sleeping on the couch. 

Cheers,

Dena

The Power of A Sandwich

What's below is not my story but I wish it were. I was talking to a friend the other day and I asked her how her husband was doing. They've been married for almost twenty years. 

"Okay," she said. "We were talking on the phone last week and he was having a really bad day at work and I wanted to help so I asked him if he wanted to come home for a nooner."

"Nice," I said. "Very giving of you."

She snorted. 'It would of been. But that fool says to me, 'Nah. I think I'll just come home and have a sandwich.'"

I died laughing. I think you have to be married a really long time to get it. Sandwich...sex.  They both have their appeal.

Cheers,

Dena