Kinko's Drama

I have a great marketing opportunity for Lessons In Stalking.  The Southeastern Book Sellers Association is holding its annual Fall  conference in Winston-Salem, not far from where I live.  I have a friend working the event who'll be stuffing the "grab bags" given to conference attendees and she's offered to place a piece of promotional literature for my book in each of the bags.  Yippee!!  I have good friends.

So, the first order of business this week was to get myself some promotional literature.  My printer is printing up bookmarks but those won't be in until the end of the month.  No problem--I'll use Kinko's. 

My idea is to make up postcards with cover of the book on the front and a promotional blurb and website info on the back.  4 postcards to a sheet of paper.  Not rocket science.

So I copy my cover and text to a disk and haul myself the 30 minutes to the nearest Kinko's.  Standing in line, I note the large sign over the front desk advertising "DESIGN SERVICES - Flyers, Business Cards, Pamphlets.  Let us help you meet your needs!"  I get to the desk and explain what I need, holding out my disk.

The Kinko's worker takes the disk reluctantly, like it's laden with cooties.  Sighing and walking over to a machine she asks, "What program is it in?" 

"Adobe and Word," I answer.

She glares at me.  I'm not kidding you.  This woman glared at me and barked, "You mean it's not the same program?" in a voice that made me feel as if I'd just done something very naughty.

After a little back and forth she said she'd have to send the pic and text to a Kinko's in Maryland that does design services (perhaps they should ship their store sign advertising design services there as well).  Then it would be a 48-hour turnaround time until they e-mailed me the proof and then--depending on how busy they were--we could see about getting it printed.

The design services alone are $40.  But I don't have the full version of Acrobat on my computer so I can't modify the image myself.  At their mercy, I am.

All of this is bearable.  What annoys me is the attitude that I as a customer have done something wrong in asking them for this service.  I worked in a copycenter in college so yes, I'm sure this was a pain in the butt order.  But you know what?  Suck it up.  The customer shouldn't see that you're annoyed.  Customer Service 101, folks.

Sigh.  Ignore me.  I'm worried about getting the postcards back in time and am feeling a little mean because of it.  See what Blair has to live with?

"My Aunt Dena Is Famous"

Max is the eight-year-old son of my best friend, Trisha (the only person in the world allowed to get away with calling me "D" because I know she means the letter "D" and not the abbreviated name "Dee."  A subtle yet important difference).   Trisha informed me today on the phone that Max is my biggest fan and tells everyone I'm famous.  

What happened is that she and Max got online together the other night and looked at my home page and the website for Lessons In Stalking.  A few days later he was with his friends and they're just apparently sort of discovering "fame" and what it means to be famous--you're on TV, the radio, people know you, why they want to know about you, etc.  So this group of 8 year-old boys is discussing famous people and Max pipes up, "My Aunt Dena is famous.  She's got a page on the internet and people read her books." 

How cute is that???  "She has a page on the internet."  That's the funniest/cutest/sweetest thing I've heard in ages.  Note to self: 8-year-olds are easily impressed.  But really, I'm so flattered.  Adult praise comes and goes but to have a child think you're cool...that ranks up there as among the best things in life.  My all time favorite "blurb" I've ever received is from an 11-year-old girl who wrote Cat & Kittens magazine and penned, "I think Dena Harris is really funny."  Of all the praise I've received, that's the one I treasure.

Along now, of course, with the praise from my #1 fan - Max.  Who needs Oprah's book club or outselling Stephen King?  I've got a page on the web!

Updates All Around

I don't have enough of any one subject to make a full blog entry so I thought I'd take today to piecemeal updates on different projects.

1. The Battle of "You Know."  As mentioned in a prior post, I am trying to break myself of saying "You know" and "okay" in everyday speech.  Progress is being made in that I'm catching myself saying it (4 times last night at Wendy's in about a 20-minute time frame--sheesh!) but I haven't yet stopped  saying it.  That will come.  I'm also expanding the "no-no" list to include "actually."  I start way too many sentences that way.  "Actually, I think you're right."  "Actually, I think we turn left here."  There is just no need.
2. Big Cat Book Project.  Completed and turned in.  I'm very happy with the final product and they seem to be too.  The release date for the book is April 2006.  For a person with little to no patience, I chose a really poor field to enter.
3. Lessons In Stalking.  My first ad for the book came out in the November issue of Cats & Kittens.  The editor there was good to me and not only placed an ad, but gave me a book review and put a picture of my book in the Table of Contents for people to flip to the review.  I'll just sit back now and wait for the orders to start pouring in. =)
4. Decorating Diaries.  We meet with the bathroom woman this week.  I don't think that's her official title (at least, I hope not) but lucky her, that's how we refer to her since we'll be selecting the cabinets and tile with her.
5. Cats.  They're lucky their cute.  I spend 10 minutes every morning going around the bottom half of our home, opening windows to let in fresh air.  We have the old fashioned windows that swing out vs. up, so to open a window means pushing up the storm window, shoving the window open, locking it, then pulling the screen down.  Not to mention bracing most windows with a post so they don't accidentally slam shut on a kitty tail.  My point being, a fair amount of work is involved.  So what do the cats do?  Hunker down in the air-conditioned upstairs for five-hour siestas.
6. Public Speaking.  I'm signed up to do an October workshop for the WGOT and the library on Public Speaking Tips for Writers.  However, looks like my Saturday magazine writing class is not going to make.  The college instructor said the gas prices were really hurting attendance at non-mandatory classes--people just can't afford to drive out to them. It's schedule again for November so I remain hopeful I'll still get the class--and some magazine writers--going.

And finally, Dena's tip for the day.  Throw out your scale.  We got rid of ours about 2 months ago because it was never right and would show a six pound weight gain or loss from day to day--talk about mood swings! But I feel great without it.  Now I actually go by how I look and how my clothes fit vs. a number on the scale.  Yeah, yeah, the experts have been saying that for years but who listens to them?  Trust me--much happier life with no scale.

Amazon.Com Orders

Good news / Bad News.  The good news is I received 2 orders off Amazon.com for Lessons In Stalking.  The bad news is, the books are still at the printers so I have no way to fulfill the orders.

I'm not quite sure how it works.  I think Amazon alerts the customers and then just holds on to the orders until I have the book to ship to them (Amazon).  I need to catch up with my printer.  She was supposed to fax me the final corrections on Friday but I didn't receive them.  Once I approve the corrections, my understanding is that it's 20 days from that time that I will have the book in hand. 

I am so behind on pre-publicity for the book it gives me a headache to even think about it.  I have done nothing--zip, zero, nada--in terms of even thinking about arranging a launch party.  Luckily, my good friend and PR goddess Pamela Cable has offered to help me.  I just need to get it scheduled on my calendar. 

The cat book is very close to done, although I have no idea if or to what extent I'd be involved in any rewrites or reorganization of materials.  I'm going to spend the rest of today on it and I should have the final three chapters ready to submit tomorrow.  One thing I don't know is when they plan to release it.  It would obviously be a great gift book for Christmas but that's a really fast turnaround, considering they still have to find photos, obtain permissions, complete layout, etc. 

The remainder of my week will be spent writing bankruptcy articles and organizing myself for a magazine writing class I'm teaching this Saturday through UNC-G.  Never a dull moment.