Headline: Friends Chase Self-Doubt Away

I'm in a far better mood.  Here's why:

1. I'm stuffed full of Chinese food.  Chinese food makes everything better.
2. My bathroom floor is smokin' hot, baby.  We're at a toasty 70 degrees.  The room is still full of dust but I walk in just to feel the heat.
3. My friends are awesome.  Bernie and Stevii posted on my site, Melody went so  far as to call and check in on me and several others sent e-mails. My favorite was from Michael, who came up with lewd and derogatory names for the PMA acronym  that I won't list here in case small children are reading.  But cheered me immensely to read them.
4. Blair is feeling better (he's had bronchitis this week) and we actually spent some time together tonight.  I've missed my sweetie.

Chinese food, heat, sarcastic humor and hugs.  When you put it all together, I'm just a simple woman with simple needs.

Wrestling With Self-Doubt

I'm having a crappy day.  The gloomy grey "I may rain on your ass any minute now" sky isn't helping, nor is the fact that I have contractors yelling and stomping up and down the stairs.  The yelling really isn't their fault.  They're trying to thread wires through the ceiling so one guy is in the attic and one is in the bathroom and yelling is the only way to communicate.  And I'm sure given the choice, they'd rather not have me sitting here, in the middle of their work either.

But the real reason for my "down-on-life" attitude is I received an e-mail from PMA (Publishers Marketing Association) informing me that after thorough review,  Lessons In Stalking was not selected for distribution with the major distributors to book stores. The consensus was the book wasn't strong enough to compete with what's already on the market. 

I'm not even depressed so much as I've moved into a "whatever" mood.  That's much more dangerous.  Depression  can be shaken off.  The lethargic "whatever" tends to linger longer.  And frankly, I don't entirely disagree with the assessment.  While I stand by my book's content, I wish I had chosen a different cover, title, and interior font.  I don't think what I selected is doing me any favors in the marketplace. 

I'm supposed to be coming up with a marketing plan, speaking plan, outreach plan, blah blah blah for the book and myself and I am just so not in the mood.  One part of me is  excited by the idea of more of a speaking career and really jumping in and making things happen.  The other part of me is saying, "Are you an idiot?  Why introduce all that stress into your life? Go watch Survivor with the rest of America and get over yourself."

I'm inches away from launching into a "Why am I here and what is life all about and why do I try?" soliloquy so I think it's time to stop.  Bad poetry can only follow, and no one wants to see that happen. 

How to Make An Accountant Cry

I think I am coming out of my little "Who am I, why am I here and why do I try?" funk of the past week.  We had brunch this morning with our friends Pam & Michael.  Pam is a Southern Fiction writer and a good friend of mine.  She is also "networking queen," attending and participating in writers conferences and book expo's across the nation.  Her husband Michael is a strong behind-the-scenes presence in her career and I come away feeling hopeful and motivated every time we meet with them.  They have such vision for where Pam's work will go that it motivates me to do more with my book and career every time we meet.

What also helps is that Michael reminded me of a book I already own called "The Publishing Game" that lays out in 30 days a publicity campaign new authors can follow.  Part of my downspiral last week is that I feel unanchored. This book is a good way to say, "Hey, this is what you do Day 1.  Then this Day 2. And so on."  I'm in need of a plan to make me feel like I'm accomplishing something vs. just blindly shooting at whatever comes into my line of vision.

Blair and I came home from brunch and set about tidying up the files I've been "keeping" on Lessons In Stalking sales.  I say "keeping," because it quickly became evident how shoddy my inventory skills are.  At one point, Blair had his face in his hands and was rocking back and forth moaning, "Oh my God, Oh my God."  It's a terrible thing, to bring an accountant to tears. I didn't even know I had it in me.

During the moaning, I of course burst out laughing and tried to pry his hands away from his face.  "I need to hear you say you love me," I said.

"Oh my God," he said, rocking and ignoring me.

I knocked on his hands.  "Hel-lo! I made a mess but you still love me, right?"

"I love you," came muffled from behind his hands.

"I need you to look me in the eye and say it."

He shook his head.  "No. I can't look at you. You're just going to have to trust that I love you."

So, we spent quite a bit of time on a new SUPER EASY Excel spreadsheet that Dena is sure to master.  And after I left him alone with a bag of Doritos and two hours of football, he was in a much better humor.

As for me, I vow to do better.  From this day forward, I will become worthy of the name, "Tracking Queen." 

Or at least improve my skills enough so I no longer make my husband, the CPA, revert to the fetal position.

Profile Piece Now Available in CFA magazine

While yahoo-ing my name (Oh right, like you've never done it...), I discovered my profile piece is now available in the Cat Fanciers Association online magazine, Fanc-E-Mews.  Click HERE to read the article.  The opening picture is me holding Olivia.

I've also added a few pictures of me doing public speaking in the PICTURE GALLERY (see sidebar) under the "Lessons In Stalking" heading.