Smug Marrieds: Wake-Up Call

I am blessed in that--having married the God of Dawn--I don't have to wake up to the blaring sound of an alarm clock. Instead, each morning my beloved tip-toes into the darkened bedroom (even at 5 am, he's been up well before me), turns on the light and lightly rubs my back to awaken me to a new day. 

Except this morning.

Today, I woke up to a light scratch on my back followed by, "Suuuuuu-eeeeeyyyyyy! Pig-Pig-Pig!"

"I'm not sure what's going on," I said, my voice muffled as I was still facedown in the pillows. "But if you want a divorce, I'd rather you just come out and say it. Let's not play these demeaning games." 

Attention Men: This is not an invitation to a hog hollering contest"Oink, blog, tweet," said Blair. 

"What--" I began.

"It's on your shirt," said Blair. "Oink. Blog. Tweet."

It all clicked in. The shirt was a free give away at a conference I'd attended months ago. In my world, free t-shirt = new nighttime lingerie. 

"I get it," I said. "I'm not sure the hog call was entirely appropriate, but I get it."

"You're awake, aren't you?" said Blair climbing off the bed. He patted himself on the back as he walked out of the room. "Well done, Blair. Well done." 

One hog call versus 10 years of back rubs and no alarms. 

I'll live with it. 

Cheers,

Dena

Bean Soup: It's What's For Breakfast

Old Mill of Guildford on Hwy 68 - try their bean soup!On his way out the door this morning, Blair paused to give me a lingering kiss goodbye. He stopped mid-kiss, however, and raised his head and frowned.

Blair: "It's 7 a.m.  Why do you taste like garlic?"

Me: "Maybe because I had bean soup for breakfast?" 

Blair, making a face: "Bean soup?! That's not breakfast food." 

Me: "Think of it like oatmeal. It was warm and filling and delicious. It was the perfect breakfast." 

Blair: "Well then I'm having Doritos for breakfast tomorrow. Mmmm. I'll just pop some in the oven and they'll be warm and delicious. The perfect breakfast." 

Me: "I'd agree with you except my meal has nutritional value. You can't say that about Doritos."

Blair: "I can say your meal is GROSS. And that Doritos are GOOD. Taste trumps nutrition."

He grabbed his lunch and briefcase, winked, and walked out the door. 

Funny, but I'll have the last laugh. You see, I packed his lunch this morning. 

And I gave him an extra big helping of bean soup.

Cheers,

Dena

Smug Marrieds: Walk The Line

Blair and I walked to the library on Saturday. It was a beautiful day, sunny and in the 50's. Blair found a book of short stories and I always stockpile 3-4 books so I have something to chose from, depending on my mood.

As we leave the library, Blair is carrying the books but at some point he needed to find something in his wallet so he handed them to me to carry and I just never gave them back. After a few minutes, he looked over at me, frowning.

"What?" I asked. 

"Something doesn't seem right. Hang on." He took several quick strides so he was walking about three paces ahead of me. Or rather, I was walking three steps behind him. 

"There. That's more like it," he said over his shoulder. "And I'll expect you to get my dinner started when we get home, woman."

I'll say it again. I married a funny, funny guy. 

Cheers,

Dena