Throwback to Another Era

Manners count. That's what I realized this week after recommending an intern I'd worked with at Diversity Woman magazine for a staff writer position with a local business magazine. I've never seen one scrap of this intern's writing. However, he impressed me so much with his manners and professionalism that I was eager to plead his case.

"John" (as we'll call him) is a throwback to an earlier era. Although all of us at the magazine showed up at the office in jeans and t-shirts, John wore a white shirt and tie every day. He never missed a "please," "thank you," or "excuse me," and although I begged him to call me Dena, I was inevitably "Ms. Harris." He was prompt in responding to e-mails, took on extra work without being asked, and is simply one of those people you know you can turn to for the work to get done.

Dressing up and being polite should be the foundation skills of any young person looking for a job, but it's amazing how often it isn't. None of us would have thought anything amiss if John wore jeans and a sweatshirt, but there was something about seeing him in a tie each day that reinforced the message, "This person has value."

So I hope John is asked in for an interview. And in following his good example, I have ditched my standard jeans attire for the day, and am heading into Greensboro for my casual meetings in a skirt.

But I'll still probably call you by your first name. =)

Life Creeps In, Life Creeps Out

At the start of 2008, I vowed to devote myself to bettering my writing. To take a "writer's journey" and explore new genres and interests while simultaneously striving to improve on the basics such as grammar, use of simile and metaphor, attention to detail, etc.

I dropped much of my paid work and cleared my schedule. But I've noticed life has a way of creeping in. And what starts out as a month with no committment other than to write suddenly becomes filled with meetings, speeches, workshops, lunches, assignments, and other obligations.

This month, for example, I agreed to:

• Give a speech in my advanced Toastmasters club
• Create a tri-board for the club (the accursed thing still isn't complete)
• Write two 600-word assignments for a regional publication.
• Write a monthly article for a UK-based dog site, www.dogtwist.com
• Organize long runs for my running group
• Teach a 2 hour networking workshop at the Women's Resource Center
• Attend an all-day marketing brainstorming meeting for a friend
• Facilitate a 2-hour Saturday writing workshop for kids in the foster care system
• Attend a concert of my neice's in Raleigh
• Attend as a guest a women-only networking/mentoring club
• Wrangle out the details of a dental claim with our insurance company
• 2 doctor appointments, one trip to the vet, 2 races, 1 massage (had a coupon), 2 lunches with friends, one dinner out.

Looking ahead to March, I already have a book signing at a local libary and a book launch party to attend for a friend. The rest of the month appears gloriously free of commitment. And I aim to keep it that way. I've discovered that when I have a free schedule, it's so easy to agree to "stuff." I think, "Well, I certainly have time to fit a speech or a tri-board into my month." But I say that 10 times and then--oops!--the month is full and I didn't focus on what I said I wanted to focus on.

So... back to hibernation. It's a game of push and pull. I do too much... I cut back... I let life creep in... I push back. On a bright note, however, I've done over 50,000 new words of creative writing since the start of the new year. That's probably more than I did all last year combined. So I'm getting there. It's just a matter of deciding WHAT I want to spend my time on, WHY that's important to me, and then sticking to it.

Here's a quote I love:

"Let the act of changing be the reward, and do not count on the outcome, for it may well be far different than you ever imagined."

Ignoring My Last Post

In Friday's post I wrote about making writing a priority and saying no to others. However, if I had followed that advice I would not have attended the outstanding Foster Friends writing workshop yesterday. And that would have been a severe loss, indeed.

The Foster Friends network of NC is sponsoring an art and essay contest for children in the Foster Care system in our area. First prize is a $500 savings bond. I was asked by a friend in the program if I would facilitate the 2-hour writing workshop held yesterday. I said yes, and a friend from my writer's group, Daniel, who used to teach Jr. High English, went with me. Thank God. Daniel is a teaching whiz and quickly connected with the kids. For example, to demonstrate the importance of using specific language, he did this marvelous peanut butter and jelly exercise where he had one student instruct him how to make a PB&J sandwich. When told to take the bread out of the ziplock bag, he ripped at the opposite end of the bag that had the zipper. When told to put the peanut butter on the bread, he stacked the jar on top of the bread. And, when told to "squish together" the pieces of bread that had the peanut butter on one and jelly on the other, he left the jelly side up and squished his hand into it--to the great delight of the kids.

The kids were... brilliant. Open and communicative and serious about writing. Ages ranged from 8 to 16, yet the room jelled. I came home and told Blair only half-kiddingly that there is now an 8-year-old boy out there I want to adopt.  The 8 year old boy came with 2 paragraphs already written for the contest which Daniel read over and helped him with. A 10 or 11 year old girl asked me to read the 2 and 1/2 pages she'd written. The essay is private so I won't share the contents here but... oh my God. Simply but beautifully written, heartbreaking, honest. It was an honor to spend time with these kids. I never would have wanted to miss the chance to work with them.

So I guess the lesson is... be careful what you consider saying no to or you might miss out on some really special opportunities in life.

Are You Psychic?

Anyone out there posses psychic abilities? I think we all have a touch of mind-reading or sensitivity or whatever you want to call it. There's a great book called "The Sense of Being Stared At: And Other Aspects of the Extended Mind" which covers perceptions that don't relate to our senses. (I've read another of this author's books, one called "Dogs That Know When Their Owners Are Coming Home" and it's fascinating.  They did controlled studies that proved our pets can sense when we're thinking about them and, literally, they know when we're on our way home to them.)

I've always had a mild touch of "knowing" some things. For example, I had a dream a couple of weeks ago that my  friend and fellow author Pam Cable had signed with an agent for her book.  I was going to dash her off a quick e-mail about it, but I was running late that morning and decided I didn't have time. Then a very strong inner voice told me to send the e-mail. I felt that Pam was going to contact me soon and tell me she had an agent and it wouldn't have been as impressive to say afterwards, "Oh yeah, I had a dream that happened." So I shot her a quick e-mail. She e-mailed back the same morning, stunned. She had just signed with an agent and had been planning on calling me later that day.

Now, one can argue that I knew Pam was agent-hunting and it was only a matter of time until she found one. Which is true. But the knowingness of that morning was strong. I just knew it had happened.

I was telling Blair all this at dinner later that night and he kind of chuckled and said well maybe I was psychic. I shrugged. "I don't know," I said. "We all have it. It's like knowing who's on the phone when it rings." He started at me blankly. "Haven't you ever known who's on the phone before you picked it up?" I asked. He shook his head.

I happen to think he's in the minority on this. There have been times when I haven't heard from a friend for almost a year, the phone rings, and I'm like, "That's Brett." And it is. What happens is I find myself unexpectedly thinking about this person for a couple of days. (Maybe it's them thinking about me and I'm picking up on it.) So when I do hear from them, I'm not actually surprised.

This was all new to Blair. "I've never had that happen," he said.

So then I shared with him my greatest psychic power, the one I've had since childhood. It's totally useless, but totally real.

What happens is that a TV sit-com or movie scene pops into my mind. Maybe a portion of a Brady Bunch episode, an old Bugs Bunny cartoon, or a scene from Breakfast at Tiffanys. The scene will stay with me for a day or two and I'll think about it at random times. Within a week, I'll catch that exact scene on TV.  I might be walking by a TV in  a mall, see it over at a friend's house, or be randomly flipping channels and there is the 2-minute scene I've been thinking about. It's very odd. And as I told Blair, I have not yet figured out how to use my powers for good or evil. But I'm sure there's some way to parlay this amazing talent into a career. Maybe put TV guide out of business.

How about you? What are things that you just "know" without being told?