The Guessing Game

When I speak on interviewing to high school kids or to the displaced homemakers at the local Women's Resource Center where I volunteer, I typically start with an exercise that goes like this:

I'll come to the front of the room and before I say anything about the workshop or why I'm there I ask everyone to take a out pen and paper. I ask them to write down their answers to the following questions, being sure to tell them that they will NOT have to share their answers with me, so please be honest.  I ask them:

• How old do you think I am?
• Do you think I am homosexual or heterosexual?
• Do you think I am single, married, living with someone, separated, divorced, or widowed?
• Do I have kids?  If so, how many and what do you think are their ages?
• What's the highest level of education you think I've obtained?
• What religious group, if any, do you think I'm a member of?
• How much money do you think I earn?
• What's my ethnic background?
• What part of the country was I raised in?
• Have I travelled outside the U.S.?
• Do I own my own home?
• Do I have a car?
• Do I speak a second language?  If so, what?
• Then I ask them if, from the two minutes I've been standing in front of them they think that a) I have worthwhile advice to impart to them and b) if they think they'll enjoy class with me.

Then I'll ask the class if they think they got every question right.  The answer is always no.  But, I emphasize, from pretty much just looking at me and listening to me say a few sentences, they hold these guesses--or opinions--on me on these various topics.  Heads nod.

"Is this fair?" I'll ask the group. 

"No!" is the answer. 

"But is this reality and something you have to deal with?" I ask. 

"Yes," they say. 

"Yes," I affirm, and we go from there.

The point is to show how snap judgements are made by people, and then we cover ways to overcome some of those judgements (through non-verbal body language, eye contact, dress for success, etc.).  The question I usually trip people up on is the kids question.  Most people answer that they think I have kids and look surprised when I tell them I don't.

What has become "disturbing" about this exercise is the age question.  I'll always give them my age to see who came close and historically people would always underestimate my age.  So when I was 28, people would guess 23.  Or when I was 32, people would guess 26.

When I spoke to the high school kids on Tuesday and said, "I'm 35," most raised their hands, cheering that they got it right.  One girl sighed, "Oh, I was close.  I guessed 36." 

Regardless of my drama (I came home and took two Dove Dark Chocolate nuggets to ease the pain), it's a good exercise to do.  I encourage people in my classes to start paying attention to people in restaurants, airports, malls, or wherever, and see if they can recognize some of the snap judgements they're making just based on appearance.  And then I ask them to remember this exercise and that not everything is as it appears.

We're all guilty of making inferences, but it's helpful to at least have some conscious recognition that you're doing it.

Speaking to High School Kids

It's 12 pm and I'm sitting in a Panera, killing time before my speech at 1:15  to a group of high school students. The subject I was given to speak on is "public speaking," which is pretty broad.  I'm going to tailor it to speaking in public for interviews and do in class examples of how kids can "control" what others think of them by mastering their body language and eye contact.  I spoke to this age group last year on networking and didn't think I did a very good job--everyone looked very bored as I spoke--but was told later I was voted one of the classes' favorite speakers.  That made me feel good.  Maybe chair slouching and crossed arms is actually high-school speak for "You Rock!"  (Or not...)

I'm teaching a magazine writing class this Saturday for which I've been prepping all week.  So far I'm up to 20 handouts per person.  The class size will run 15-20 people, so I've been giving my printer quite the workout.  I'm hoping there may be some sort of copying stipend available through the University. But if not, I'll just suck it up. I'd rather present needed information that people can take home versus worrying about reimbursement.

My class is 3 hours long and I can't decide if I have enough material to fill the hours, or if I'm trying to pack too much in. This is my first time teaching this particular workshop and it's hard to judge accurately until I've taught the class at least once.  Plus,  a lot depends on class interaction.  I try to encourage as much talking/questions/discussion as possible-- makes it more interesting than watching me yak for three hours.

Nothing much else going on.  E-mail didn't come back until early this morning but thank God, it's back. Blair is working all hours and the cats are still trying to hang out on the new bedding.  The floor people are coming Friday to install the heated floor and if I can get my general contractor to call me back and come in for taping and drywall work, all will be right with the world.

Aaaaaauuuugh!!! No E-Mail Access...

Our e-mail server has been down all day and I'm starting to hyperventilate.  I took a full day of rest yesterday and never logged once onto e-mail, plus I only checked it once early Saturday morning.  I must have close to 200 messages waiting for me and no way to access them.  Worse, I have a number of replies I need to get out to people today, not to mention e-mailing a few completed article assignments to editors. 

I am soooo much a "I want it when I want it" sort of person.  And I want my e-mail NOW.  I called Road Runner's hotline and after listening to automated messages that had me make seven different selections (I counted - press 1 for English, press 3 for maintenance trouble, press 4 if you have already tried this solution, press 2 if you would like to speak to a service rep, press 7 if you mean you want to speak to one now, press the square of pie if you really, really need to speak to a rep b/c you must first prove to us you are worthy of our time...).  Anyway, the message I finally got to before I spoke to a CSR said that all of GSO was having e-mail trouble, they're aware of it, they're working on it.  That was at 11:30 this morning and it's now just before 4 and still no e-mail. 

On the bright side, I've gotten a ton of work done today, which proves my point from an earlier blog that I am, indeed, and e-mail addict.

And I am desperately craving a hit...

Gregory Alan to play at Book Launch

A fantastic "Urban Acoustic" guitar player named Gregory Alan will be playing at my Book Launch at The Green Bean on Dec. 1st.  I first heard Greg play back in April, during national poetry month.  Our local writers group had organized poetry readings around town that month and I attended one at a local Starbucks where Greg was playing. His style is this smooth, soothing blend of pop, R&B, and contemporary jazz.

I'm not a big fan of live music.  It's always too loud, too overpowering, and in my opinion most musicians sound better when they've been edited and digitized on a CD.  So it was a surprise how much I liked Greg's sound.  Blair felt the same way because a little into Greg's second song he leaned over to me and said, "We should get his CD."

I've been a little nervous about the book launch.  I've invited all these people and now they're going to do what while they're there?  I'll read from my book, but that will be under 10 minutes.  And I'll sign book copies (which I hope will take a lot longer than 10 minutes!), and there will be cake and food and drink.  But music brings an added element of togetherness.  I think it will provide that cohesion I'm looking for. 

Plus, Greg gets a chance to sell his CD's and market himself, and I'm all for championing local artists.  All in all, I'm really looking forward to the event.