Playing Hooky From School

I received an automated call from the junior high school this morning, informing me my child had not been in school yesterday and that it was an unexcused absence.

This disturbs me on several levels.

One -- Why is the school calling me today instead of yesterday when the event actually occurred?

Two --  Why is it an automated call instead of direct response? And finally,

Three -- I don't have a child.

Someone thinks we do though, which would explain why we also received automated voicemail school closings notifications all winter. My friends with kids tell me a phone call to the school will have my name dropped from the list but I'm kind of enjoying my pseudo-parent role.

Tell you what--that kid of mine ever shows up, I'll tan his hide for skipping school yesterday.

Meet Flat Shannon

Who is that good looking chick in the picture? Why, it's Flat Shannon. (I am the one behind her). Flat Shannon was sent to my friend Bernie by her niece, Shannon (you probably didn't need me to tell you that). Shannon is in second grade in Texas. Her teacher had the class draw pictures of themselves and then send the picture to someone who would take the picture to various locales write the kids a letter about all the interesting things the flat version of them saw. The person was also asked to take pictures.

I was very flattered when Bernie asked if she could take a picture of me and my books with flat Shannon so she could write her niece about the "famous" (I love my friends) author Flat Shannon had her picture taken with.

Aside from our visit, Flat Shannon also saw Old Salem in Winston-Salem, Battleground Military Park, and the Woolworth's Sit-in Museum where the first sit-in was held in downtown Greensboro on February 1, 1960.

So "hi" to Flat and real Shannon. And happy travels...

New Nemesis

Batman had the Joker... Popeye had Brutus... and Kirk had Kahn. Bitter enemies, each, until the end.

I too, have my nemesis. Not a sole proprietor, but rather an ever growing army of evil. I call this nemesis... Demon Squirrels From Hell.

And now they have company.

It appears the chipmunks have joined their ranks. Remember the clawing and shuffling in the vent tunnels last week? The exterminator guy said it looked like chipmunks had got in there. "I don't like 'em," he said, then put enough poison out to kill a small cow. (For the record, I was unaware of this. I thought he just hadn't showed but turned out he came 'round the house last week after all and did an outside inspection and left the bait then.)

So... the chipmunks want to fight me as well? Bring it on.  I'll never admit defeat. Do you hear me? Never!!

I am so going to build myself a cat cave from which I'll fight the forces of evil. And if I can get a cool car and a butler named Alfred and a billionaire playgirl secret identity in the deal, so much the better.

Some of us were born to be heroes.

Hormonal Hijinks

Ladies--ever have those weeks where your hormones are doing the cha-cha? I'm walking around the house ready to burst into laughter or tears or quite possibly both.  My mood alternates between frustration, anxiety, desperation, calm, hopeful, upbeat and right back again, usually in three-minute cycles.  I shifted this weekend between wanting to bite Blair's head off and fling my arms around him and tell him how much I love him.  Psycho...

New projects cross my desk and I am eager to meet the challenge... and the next minute huddled under the desk, hoping it will just go away. Sometimes I think it would be nice to just chuck everything and have my days free to do...whatever.  But then I remember I tried that once and hated it. Back in 2000, I decided to take a year off and do "whatever."  I lasted 3 months before I looked for work. It was miserable, having no purpose or focus in life. I could have stayed in bed every day until two and no one would have been the wiser.  Horrible. All human beings need to feel a sense of purpose in their day--I'm convinced of that.

So I'll work on staying balanced here the next few days and not scare Blair and the cats from the home. Stuff my face in a pillow when I feel meanness coming on and take time to get outside and walk and breathe.  And hopefully the hormone imbalance will take a back seat--at least for this month.