Of All The Stupid Things I've Done...

"Schmuck," I muttered to myself as I sat on the bench outside the San Francisco airport in the dark at 4:45 AM Sunday morning. No one was around to hear me which was fine, as I was addressing myself.

Of all the stupid things I 've done in life--and there are a few--this ranks up there as one of the goodies.  I had a 6:30 flight out of San Francisco to return home after my conference. The hotel shuttle didn't run that early so I had them call me a cab.  Feeling very metropolitan (we don't have cabs in NC--we just hitch rides on tractors), I tipped my cab driver, grabbed the handle of my just-under-50-pound suitcase and sauntered into the airport.  I parked my bag in front of a self-checkin kiosk, reached into my bag and...shit!

I'd left my wallet in the cab. The wallet including my money, every credit card I own, and that all important driver's license that would allow me on the plane. 

Ever have those moments of pure panic where you just become completely immobilized? I experienced that, then came to and burst into a run for the door. It had been about 4 minutes since the cab dropped me off and I knew there was no way he was still out there, but I had to try. I flew through the door and wild-eyed examined the drop-off area. Nope. Gone. I turned to a luggage check-in guy and shrilled "I left my wallet in the cab!"

"Wow," said the guy. "Try downstairs and see if they can call the cab company for you."

Okay. Now I had a plan. Downstairs. Call cab. I ran up to the nearest uniformed person, a young woman standing outside a luggage x-ray machine. "I-left-my-wallet-in-a-cab-and-the-guy-upstairs-said-someone-here-could-call -the-cab-company-for-me,"  I babbled.

"Que?" she said.

Rational thought started to kick in. I grabbed my cell and called the hotel. "We know the driver," they said. "That's Amad. Hold on and we'll connect you."

I got Amad on the phone and explained my wallet was in his backseat and please come back to the airport. He said he'd be there in 15 minutes.  Thank you, God, I silently intoned and went upstairs to wait for him. I held out for 20 minutes before I called him again.

"Hi Amad, this is Dena. I just wanted to let you know I'm waiting in the drop-off area like we agreed."

"Yes, yes. I am coming to you. I promise."

"Oh, I know. I was just, um, checking."

Another 15 minutes goes by. How on earth did he get that far from the airport in so short a time? But he finally pulls up and he's in a bigger panic than me when he hands me my wallet. I try to hand him a tip but he waves me away. "Please, please. Check to see everything is there."

I glance inside the wallet. "It's here. Thank you so much for--"

"No! Please check carefully that everything is there." He's very upset.

I do an inventory and everything appears fine. Only then does he accept my tip. I finally make my way inside, obtain my boarding pass and collapse in the waiting area.

And THIS is why I arrive at airports two hours early. You just never know when you'll hit traffic, an airport delay or--if you're me--do something incredibly stupid.

But life is a matter of perspective. I called Blair while I was outside waiting for Amad to show up. "Guess what I did?" I asked, then told him the story. "So you're having a bad day?" he sympathized.

I thought about it. Although my heart was only just returning to its normal beating pattern, I was okay. I was getting my wallet back and I had enough time to make my flight. I'd been extremely fortunate the hotel had been able to help me as quickly as they did and that I had a cab driver willing to return.

"I actually have to say I'm having a pretty good day," I said. "I got lucky."

Here's hoping each of you has a lucky day as well.  

If You Can't Operate A Seat Buckle, You're Beyond My Help

Greetings all! I'm sitting in a business center in my hotel in California, feeding my e-mail addiction. Thought I'd pop in here and share a chuckle with you.

Let me start with a shout-out to "Dan" who was the flight attendant on American Airlines from NC to Chicago on the 12:30 PM Thursday flight.  Dan needs to quit his job as a flight attendant and go into stand-up comedy.

We're sitting on a little commuter plane and as the door closes, Dan turns to us and says, "Now it's time for the exciting safety presentation I'm sure none of you have ever heard before. " We all chuckled. Dan held up the sample seatbelt. "Okay, I'll show you how to work this but honestly, if you don't have it down by now you're probably beyond my help."

That got laughs. He went on to mime the words of the pre-recorded safety tape that broadcast over the plane and then said, "Oh! Listen--this is my favorite euphemism." The woman on the tape said, "In the event of a..." and Dan mimed big quote marks in the air, "WATER LANDING..."

"Right," said Dan. "Because we really  meant for THAT to happen."

The woman's voice continued, "Please use your seat cushion as a flotation device..."

"I don't think that's been tested," said Dan. "They look like they'd sink to me."

People were howling. Everyone on the plane was watching the safety demonstration, waiting to see what Dan would do next.

He showed us how to use the oxygen masks that dropped down, making a face as he pulled it over his head, as if it stank. The woman's voice droned on, "...If traveling with a small child, secure your mask first and then your child's."

"And if you're traveling with two children, pick your favorite," cracked Dan.

At the end of the safety demonstration, the plane erupted in spontaneous applause. What an effective way to get people to pay attention. I know that's probably the first safety presentation I've actually watched in 10 years.

So I arrived safe and sound in California. The hotel reeks of cats, which I don't recall from prior years. I must be on a floor with a number of unfixed Tom cats as their urine is usually much more potent than a fixed cats. Regardless, it stinks.

Later today I'll head over to the Cat Fanciers National Contest and do a 1-hour book signing and then wander rows and rows and rows of felines. I will be in cat heaven. If I can get a cab waiting for me, I may just grab a Persian and run.

Wish me luck.

Cal-i-for-nia Here I Come!

On my way way out tomorrow for the annual Cat Writers conference, held this year in Foster City, California. People chuckle when I tell them there is such an event but think about all the cat books out there- care for kittens, medical books, breed specialities, etc. and you'll get an idea of how broad the field is. I'm in the minority as a feline humor writer, which suits me fine. I've attended the conference for the last 2 years and am always amazed at the number of assignments I leave with.

My schedule is packed the 3 days I'm there so I'm not even bothering to take the laptop which likely means no new blog posts until Monday.  Plus it's just another item to lug along. I always convince myself I'll pull my laptop out on an airplane and do work and it has yet to happen. I read, I eat, I sleep--usually in that order.

I'm a backup presenter for the event but am hoping I'm not called upon. I've presented the last two years and am looking forward to attending this year as a nameless, faceless guest. But if someone cancels last minute, I'm going to take my "Johnny Can't Brand" book and walk the group through a rough-and-tumble DSI exercise.

Changing topics completely, I finally had a good run last night - 7 miles and went strong to the end. I was getting worried as my last 4 runs have been horrid.  But I wore a brace last night on my left knee which helped with stability and I woke up today with no pain--unusual for me after a longer run. 

And that's all in the life of Dena. Calm...unruffled...it's a nice change of pace.  Say a prayer my luggage doesn't join the land of the lost. This 3-oz rule (which for the record, I find close to useless--I think our country has gone WAY overboard on the panic route) is killing me. My face creams alone are 8 oz. and don't even get me started on hair care products. These days, lost luggage=bad hair.  Yikes!!! =)

Dena

More DSI Work

I'm eternally grateful for everyone's response to my DSI question a few posts back.

A few of you confirmed what I had suspected--that the "Your Procrastination is My Priority" tagline could be read as insulting. The tagline came about because one of my friends lives by the saying, "Procrastination on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part." I laugh every time she says it in reference to a client and was trying to tweak it to fit here-- a no go.

 Margot made a comment on the DSI post where she tossed out the phrase "Rapid Response Writer."  Hmm... kind of catchy. Makes me think of a medical alert team though. But it did spark some new ideas that I'd like feedback on. Anyone care for these?

• The Ready Writer
• Ready to Write
• Ready to Write Now
• Ready Write Now

I'll bias my polling and admit I'm kind of diggin' "The Ready Writer." Sounds much more "me" than "Dynamic Communications."

My friend Bernie made a comment in the prior DSI post about the danger of stating my speciality as being last-minute projects in that I'll be inundated with impossible deadlines. She's right, but my thought process was that if people trust me to do a bang-up job on rush jobs, there will be the assumption that I can of course submit superior work within a normal time period as well. But such logic may not translate as I hope.

So I'm thinking if I go with The Ready Writer, I'll point the DSI less toward  last-minute projects and more toward that I'm ready to work to go to work when you are.  So where my prior sample speciality statement read:

Dena Harris is the first choice for last-minute writing projects. That’s because Dena offers the fastest turn-around time on high-quality work of any writer in the Triad.

The new one might read:

 Dena Harris is the first choice for on-time, superior quality projects. That's because Dena offers the fastest and most reliable turn-around time of any writer in the Triad.

I'm not sure that's enough of a speciality though. I would hope most freelancers would respect deadlines and be on time. So I'm still muddling with it. Any additional thoughts/comments/guidance is always welcome.  As with Margot's post, you never know what comment you post may spark something bigger for me.