The Dating Diaries: Splitting Hairs (and Checks)
/I love that when I blog about anything other than the guys I’ve dated, all anyone asks me is, “When are you going to post another Dating Diaries entry? We love those!” Never mind I’m beingattacked by serpent reptiles and have embarked on a new spiritual/emotional/mental connection to running. You want bad date stories. The people have spoken. Let’s do this.
Today’s installment really isn’t on “bad” dates. In fact, I’m still friends with most of the men the following snippets are about. These are more or less those small things that make you go, “Hmmm…”
OVERLY EXCITED GUY
This was a one-time date with someone who was way too young for me. I think he was 36 and not the brightest bulb in the box. Which fact I didn’t clue into until after we had agreed to meet. I knew I was courting trouble when I began to notice that this guy (kid) got really, really, really excited whenever we had the smallest match on interests. Our texts began to resemble this:
ME: Sure, I can meet for a burger and beer.
HIM: What kind of beer do you like?
ME: Guinness
HIM: OMG!! I LIKE GUINNESS!!!
HIM: Do you like sweet potato or regular fries?
ME: Sweet potato
HIM: OMG!!! NO WAY. I like sweet potato fries too!!!! :) :) :)
When we finally met, it would have been the longest hour and a half meal of my life except he was so darn sweet. We no longer keep in touch but I always half-smile when I think of him. I hope he found a nice, super-excited 32-year-old to date.
EXCLAMATION POINT GUY
Okay, I have to tread delicately here because I know X is reading this. (You made the blog!) Unlike overly-excited guy, this is a person of depth and intelligence. But I quickly noticed that almost every text he sent me ended in three exclamation points (!!!). No more, no less. Always three, for any and all subject matter.
Did you have a good day?!!!
I’m watching the game!!!
Can’t wait to see you!!!
Hope your run was great!! I’ll call tonight!!!
I did what I do best and just told him to stop it. “Please, no more exclamation points,” I said.
“You know, my son calls me out on that too,” he said. “He tells me I need to calm the heck down.”
And, to his credit, they stopped. In fact, he texted the other day to say hi and we chatted a bit and after a couple of back and forths I wrote, “Look at you! Four texts and not an exclamation point in sight.”
What he wrote back is not fit for a family blog and, frankly, a little rude, so we’ll move on.
“SPLIT THE CHECK” GUY
Let me say this: I don’t mind paying for my own meals. Or taking turns paying for meals/drinks. Sure, it’s nice to have my dinner comped, but it seems more than a little unfair that men have to bear the financial burden of dating. So when I went out with X for drinks and the check arrived, I reached for my wallet. “I’ll get mine,” I said. (He may have agreed a tad too fast, but whatever.)
We both slid our cards into the check holder and when the waiter came, X handed the holder over and said, “Just split it down the middle.”
Um. Wait. What? I had one glass of wine. You had two beers and a $10 appetizer. But okay, first date. Maybe he was just trying to simplify things.
Nope. We went out two more times and the exact same thing. My portion of the evening would be $14, his would be $32 and guess what? “We’ll just split this down the middle.”
For a while I was more amused than anything. Other than scamming me on the check, he was a pretty smart and interesting guy. But enough is enough. After paying a good chunk of my money toward his bills, I decided it was time to recoup.
We went out to dinner and the check came. Neither of us touched it. Talk, talk. Chit-chat. I saw him glance at it. Ha! I sipped my wine and batted my eyes. And made no move toward my wallet. Finally, with obvious reluctance, he slid the check over and s-l-o-w-l-y removed his credit card and put it back on the table for the waiter to collect. I saw him kind of glance at it and at me. I gave him my most charming smile… and didn’t do a damn thing more.
We stopped seeing each other for other reasons but I’d love to find him and be like, “Dude! What the hell?”
Get your fill? Hang tight. More Dating Diary stories coming your way soon.
Cheers,
