Publisher's Association of the South (PAS)

I attended a PAS conference yesterday in Winston-Salem (sans stilettos, for those of you concerned out there).  Learned a few interesting tidbits:

• Now with POD and other arenas, over 10,000 books a month are printed
• It usually only takes selling 8,000 books to have it considered a success.  When we hear about books selling 100,000 copies that doesn't take into account all the returned books. (If bookstores don't sell your books after a certain time period, they return them to the publisher and you have to give them back their money).
• Resale use is hitting authors and publishers deeper.  Resale is when you see a brand new book for sale on Amazon or E-Bay for 1/2 price.  There was also mention of an airport bookstore where a customer can pick up a book in one airport, fly to another airport, and return the book for a credit for his next purchase. The book is then sold at a discounted price to the next traveller.  Almost like a low-priced library system.  Great for readers, not so good for publishers.  Systems such as this are expected to cut into how many copies of a book are printed (which affect author advances).

There was also a discussion panel with independant bookstore owners, which was fascinating.  I came away with thinking the answer to everything is "it depends."  For example, one guy said the best way to reach a bookstore owner is to just call and talk about your book.  A woman on the panel said she refuses to answer the phone and prefers mail.  Both said avoid e-mail...they get so much they can't even begin to find the time to sort through it.

Other tips: Oddly shaped packages or small gifts included with the book help get their attention.  They can't stand authors who just sit behind their table with a cup of coffee - approach them with a plan or presentation for how you'll draw customers to your signing.  Don't send them huge posters with your book cover - they have nowhere to put it.  Small posters that fit in store windows are welcome, however.  Also, be available for book group discussions via phone.  Doesn't cost you the author anything and is a big treat for book club members who get to talk to an author.

What I found most heartening was the bookstore owners attitude.  "Remember," said one man on the panel, "those of us in the book store profession are there because we love books.  We're excited about new books.  We like to find and meet authors.  Take advantage of that."

I gave my card and a promo piece to each of the panelists and will send them my book when it comes in.  Now I just need to come up with a fun "presentation" type idea to do at a book signing.

Stilettos, Part II

All I can say is, no one was injured.  So that's a good thing.  Other than that, the first day trip out wearing the stilettos was not what I would call a smashing success.

I knew I wanted to wear my new spiky shoes last night to a Toastmasters supper club meeting where I was competing in an evaluation contest.  So on Tuesday, wearing shorts and a t-shirt, I strapped on the stilettos and proceeded to clump around the house. 

The cats ran for cover when the saw me coming.  THUNK, THUNK, THUNK... I thundered down the hall, knees bent for balance, heels wobbling like I was wearing ice-skates.  I called my friend Trisha while walking around the house.

"What is that horrible noise?" she asked over the phone. 

KA-CHUNK,  KA-CHUNK, KA-CHUNK.  "That's me, walking like a lady," I answer.

"You are in deep trouble," she said, laughing.

Still, I managed a few turns around the carpet and thought I was ready. 

I dressed carefully for last night's event.  I looked pretty good until I strapped on the heels.  Then I looked hot.  Two inches in height can really make a difference in your confidence level.

I didn't even try wearing the heels in the car, figuring I'd probably catch a spike in the gas pedal and mow down a tree.  So I waited until I reached the parking lot to slide my pretty pumps on.

I got out of my car and headed across the lot.  Horrible.  I had to take smaller, baby steps to keep my balance but even so, I'm pretty sure I was lurching forward at a 90 degree angle.  I met another woman in my TM group,  coming in, who was suffering from a slight limp.  I have never been so grateful.  I acted like I slowed my pace to match hers, all the while offering silent prayers of thanks that I had a reason to walk slow and carefully.

There was one point--and I'm laughing as I write this, remembering--where I was walking with a group of people toward the door.  We were walking slowly, talking, and then paused by a glass door.  I guess I leaned back a little too far because I swear to God, I almost lost my balance and fell backward.  It was like a Bugs Bunny moment as I teetered on the end of my heels, waiting to see which way I would fall.  Thankfully, there must have been a slight wind that pushed me back upright.

Here's the sad part.  I know if I had been an observer watching me, my thoughts would have been, "Poor girl.  Who is she trying to impress?"  But that is the magic--and danger--of the stiletto.  I know it's a stupid shoe...impractical, unsafe, and potentially dangerous to the health of my feet and spine.  But then I stand (unmoving, of course) in front of a mirror and admire how I look in them.  Hot.

Yea, I'll give them another go tomorrow.

(READ Part I Here: I'm A Woman Now)

Kinko's Drama

I have a great marketing opportunity for Lessons In Stalking.  The Southeastern Book Sellers Association is holding its annual Fall  conference in Winston-Salem, not far from where I live.  I have a friend working the event who'll be stuffing the "grab bags" given to conference attendees and she's offered to place a piece of promotional literature for my book in each of the bags.  Yippee!!  I have good friends.

So, the first order of business this week was to get myself some promotional literature.  My printer is printing up bookmarks but those won't be in until the end of the month.  No problem--I'll use Kinko's. 

My idea is to make up postcards with cover of the book on the front and a promotional blurb and website info on the back.  4 postcards to a sheet of paper.  Not rocket science.

So I copy my cover and text to a disk and haul myself the 30 minutes to the nearest Kinko's.  Standing in line, I note the large sign over the front desk advertising "DESIGN SERVICES - Flyers, Business Cards, Pamphlets.  Let us help you meet your needs!"  I get to the desk and explain what I need, holding out my disk.

The Kinko's worker takes the disk reluctantly, like it's laden with cooties.  Sighing and walking over to a machine she asks, "What program is it in?" 

"Adobe and Word," I answer.

She glares at me.  I'm not kidding you.  This woman glared at me and barked, "You mean it's not the same program?" in a voice that made me feel as if I'd just done something very naughty.

After a little back and forth she said she'd have to send the pic and text to a Kinko's in Maryland that does design services (perhaps they should ship their store sign advertising design services there as well).  Then it would be a 48-hour turnaround time until they e-mailed me the proof and then--depending on how busy they were--we could see about getting it printed.

The design services alone are $40.  But I don't have the full version of Acrobat on my computer so I can't modify the image myself.  At their mercy, I am.

All of this is bearable.  What annoys me is the attitude that I as a customer have done something wrong in asking them for this service.  I worked in a copycenter in college so yes, I'm sure this was a pain in the butt order.  But you know what?  Suck it up.  The customer shouldn't see that you're annoyed.  Customer Service 101, folks.

Sigh.  Ignore me.  I'm worried about getting the postcards back in time and am feeling a little mean because of it.  See what Blair has to live with?

Baby's First Mammogram

Stilettos  and a mammogram all in one week... I feel like I should start a photo album comparable to "Baby's First (steps, words, smile) only mine will consist of mid-life goals: first mammogram, first hot flash, first time qualifying for the senior citizen discount...

Okay, I'm not there yet.  But I did have my baseline mammogram done today.  Not to destroy the legend of all the pain we women supposedly go through during these, but it really was nothing.  Apparently the fatty flesh of the breast provides such a barrier to pain that you could stomp up and down on my chest like you were flattening grapes to make wine, and chances are I wouldn't feel a thing.

For those who've yet to experience the pleasure (and for all 3 of my male readers), here's the deal.  Per usual, you slip on the ugly cotton robe that ties in the front.  Then you sit at a desk with a nurse who asks if you've noticed anything unusual with your breasts, such as any discharges.  Now really, if my breasts are discharging something is it likely I'm going to wait until a scheduled mammogram appointment to bring that up? Are there really women that get asked that question and pipe up, "Oh, I'm so glad you asked that because I almost forgot.  Last Wednesday my nipple was oozing a white goo.  Should I be concerned?"

With questions out of the way, it's onto "the machine."  This almost looks like the big machine you lean into when you go to the eye doctor only instead of resting your chin in a stirrup, you slap your breast on a glass plate.  Then another glass plate closes on top of it.  I really didn't feel anything except a light tugging sensation around my lower neck because the skin over the chest area was so taught.  Two front views, two side views, and it's over.   The whole thing took about 6 minutes.

Just for kicks, I followed the mammogram up with a yearly pap smear.  Again, for you menfolk, during that process the doctor will also do a quick breast exam.  As my doctor was doing my exam, he looked at me and, knowing my age, said with a touch of reproof, "Now, given your age, you really should have a baseline mammogram."

"HA!" I exclaimed.  "I just had one 20 minutes ago."  I looked at the in-room nurse and grinned as she laughed.  I love being one up on the doctors.

So that's my exciting day.  My blood pressure is something like 120/64 and my iron is good.  And the breasts have reformed into their pre-squashed state.  All in all, a good day.