Blair and I went grocery shopping today (where we ran into not one not two but THREE sets of neighbors when all we had yet in our cart was Gilette razor blades, birdseed, and two huge boxes of Playtex sport-glide tampons because we had a coupon about to expire - one can only imagine what they think of us) and then I came home and cooked. Blair, wise/cowardly man that he is, disappeared upstairs. He crept back down a few hours later and peered around the kitchen door.

"Everything okay in here?" he asked. 

"Fine," I said, smiling cheerfully while I drained some edamame. "Why?"

"Um, I heard some... questionable noises a while back."